Carpe Diem

I was happy to be back home, but only for the first day, I think. Then memories from the past started to come back and I soon remembered why did I want to leave Spain so bad. The paranoia, the loneliness, the family fights…

I vaguely remember now wanting to come back so that I could give my parents a big hug and show them how much have I improved. Soon, the sweetness of that hug turned into the bitterness of a strangle.

All I can feel at home these days is hostility and rage. As if the food was served with drops of sulphuric acid. It’s a mad house and it’s hurting me.

Gloomy!

I can’t remember my first days in here. I didn’t sleep the night before taking the plane because I was too worried about falling asleep and missing the flight to Spain. Still, Peter, Kate and me nearly didn’t make it to the plane. I can still hear the lady calling my name over a public announcement.

You shouldn’t do parties when you have to catch up a plane very first thing in the morning. As simple as that; yet very complicated when it's your last chance to say bye to your classmates and friends and burn that stash of weed. Yup, I managed not to smoke some weed when I had it and then did something to it I never thought I could do when I was addicted to it. I burned it and managed to stay away from the smoke!

For the first eight-ten days I had guests at home and dedicated my time to guide them around Madrid and show them the beauties of my country such as the heat (over 40 degrees during siesta time) or the crowded tourist places. It was nice to bring a part of me here. It kept my mind busy and my days entertained while I was waiting to hear from UWF.

BTW, I finally heard from them. Mainly, because I called this week to make sure they were processing my application form. The Exchange Office in Luton sent the forms over a month late and I wasn’t too sure what the hell was going on. In a matter of days, I should receive an e-mail with my student number and soon I should be able to apply for housing there.

Now it’s pretty much up to the people in the embassy. Perhaps they don’t want cute Spaniards like myself to live there. I should know by August 20th. Hopefully they will think I’m not pretty enough to worry about.

Tim bought me a plane ticket to go see him in England. I guess he just couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing me again in soo long. I never thought I could become so important for someone. It feels great.

Today is a very special day for me. It's Shelly's birthday. A very very good friend of mine from the states who I should be visiting soon. Since we met, I've done my best to be with her on her birthday and hopefully spending a couple weeks at the very hot and humid south of Alabama. Because friends want to be with each other in the good moments too!

She was the one who realized that her birthday (July 19th) was the same as mine; only reversed (September 17th) The subject of the post should clarify any doubts. For me, this is just one of the very many things that make our friendship so unique and special.

Roach... Hope you are having a great birthday close to your family and husband. I miss you very much. Soon, if everything goes as planned, we will be able to celebrate your birthday and mine - growing up - together. For now, I just lid a candle in my room, which I'll be blowing just before going to bed.

However, I insist it would be much more fun to blow things up on someones birthday instead of putting fire away.

Welcome to my journal; a girl's trip out of adolescence...


This is my last day in England, my home for the past year and a half. I guess that is how long I can cope with something before getting bored of it. I'm leaving to Spain (home) first thing tomorrow morning and still have a bit of packing to do.


Luton has been an awesome home for me and now I wish I kept a journal like this. Not to stay in touch with my people, just to be able to read it one day and laugh at myself while thinking how naive and young I was. However, I don’t want to make this journal private because then I will have to write individual e-mails to everyone and that is just too much hassle.


For those who don’t know, I came to England to study Advertising and Marketing Communications and ended up in the only university that accepted me in the middle of an academic year and met the requirements I was looking for. I enrolled in February 2005, on my own, looking for a change of scene. At the time, I was very sceptical and didn't trust people, not even myself. I just had a resolution; to stay clean and learn to accept myself. However, I have been blessed with wonderful friends, open-minded teachers and the best nightclub that only metal lovers and freaks can stand. I got so much more than I would have ever imagined. And I am thankful for that.


This place has given me back some self-esteem and I am very happy to have made it this far. However, this is just a stop in the way to Ithaca. I'm now going back to the country that stole my heart when I was just a girl. Finally, thanks to my determination to go back to America and the Study Abroad Programme at the University of Luton, I have the once in a lifetime opportunity to afford education in one of the less educated, yet more expensive countries.


Although I haven’t been accepted at the University of West Florida yet, I'm a very optimistic person and therefore I have packed my life once more and made a new resolution for next year; to keep my feet in the ground. I want to be able to make realistic plans without letting my imagination drive me away and I want to make sensible choices that are good to myself, not just at the time.


For once, I am not running away from misery; I am doing this trip because I want to and because I would rather regret what I’ve done, than not doing anything at all.


Today, a part of me feels sad for leaving such a great life, but the other is excited to move forward and experience even more special moments. Altogether, I am grateful that I had such an experience in England and that I am able to make it to the states, finally.


I've always wanted to write a book, well... for someone as hyperactive as me, this is the best it will ever get.


Thank you for listening.


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>



Can you hear your voice when you talk to yourself?


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>


>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>



I can't

Welcome!

I have a tendency to move away and keep very little contact with some of the friends who have touched me most. Hopefully, this livejournal will help me keeping in touch with you people in an easier way, since I'm about to do some traveling soon.

I love you all very much,
Irene